I've always been tempted to write a book. My interest piqued at the height of popularity of David Sedaris books. I read one and thought to myself, I could write stuff like this and somebody would pay me? But the motivation proved fleeting, and now when I think of writing a book, it just sounds like a whole lot of work for very little payoff.
All that is to say that this is the start of (hopefully) a series of posts about random childhood stories. Man, my writing is rusty. Well, I suppose I gotta start again somewhere, so if it's anything like riding a bike, I'll be pedaling headfirst into a mailbox soon.
But that's a story for another time. Today let's just start simply with an introduction to my name.
My parents almost named me Godwin. It was a tossup between that or Jonathan, and I don't know what turned the tide, but I'm glad it did. At this point, though, I've been called so many different names in my life that I go through a mini identity crisis every time I am forced to introduce myself.
Life began easily enough. Everyone called me Jonathan except for the family friends who knew my Chinese nickname, Kay-Kay.
And then I got to 6th grade and joined the orchestra. And, wouldn't you know it, there was another Jonathan Mok in there.
It turned out we lived in the same neighborhood. And we both had sisters named Jennifer. And we both had mothers who were realtors. And we both were cool enough to pick up a stringed instrument.
So what happens when two people have the same name in a class? Contrary to popular belief based loosely off the movie Highlander, we didn't have a cage match fight to the death, with the sole survivor being awarded the honorable name. He was older and in 8th grade, so he became Big Jon Mok, and I was henceforth known as Lil Jon Mok.
The nickname caught on quick, and it even became one of my first AIM screennames. But somewhere along the way, I forgot the password. I don't have any regrets in life, but if I did, losing that password would be way, way up there at the top of the pile.
My family moved that summer, and the other guy didn't move with us, so at my new school, "Lil Jon Mok" was soon shortened to just "Mok."
Names have been on my mind quite a bit recently. The wife and I had about 12 hours to finalize a name for our son after we got a phone call informing us of his birth, so it's a good thing we had juggled a couple potential boy and girl names beforehand. The conversation started off something like this:
Me: I don't want a name that's too long.
Wife: What's too long?
Me: Anything more than two syllables.
Wife: But your name's Jonathan...
I don't have anything against my name. My parents would repeatedly tell me that it meant "gift from God," which is coincidentally something that I also repeatedly remind the wife of. I like the name, but for a variety of reasons, it just has no staying power.
I think it boils down to two primary aspects:
1. The name is too long
2. The name has one relatively strong syllable and two laughably weak syllables
With the first bullet point, I haven't done the necessary research, but according to my 30-second mental list, 86% of names over two syllables are cast aside for shorter nicknames. The proof is in the pudding -- think of all the Jonathan's you know. Do any of them actually go by Jonathan?
Regarding the second bullet point, imagine a crowded, noisy area. Your local pub, perhaps. I can't even begin to count how many times this exact situation has taken place after making some small talk with a stranger:
Stranger: HEY I'M ___, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Me: I'M JONATHAN.
Stranger: WHAT WAS THAT?
Me: JONATHAN.
Stranger: JOHN?
Me: JONATHAN.
Stranger: JOHNNY?
Me: OKAY.
Thankfully, not all of my interactions require yelling, and in my professional life, it's rather straightforward. "Hello, my name is Jonathan. Nice to meet you."
However, in a more informal setting, I run through a quick mental algorithm to figure out if I should call myself Jonathan or Mok. Am I going to come across this person again? If so, how many times? Are we going to get past the acquaintance stage?
Sometimes I decide on "Jonathan" and am in mid-handshake when a mutual friend will pop his/her head in and be like, LOL WHAT WHO'S JONATHAN? Thus begins a much longer explanation than necessary culminating in a "Mok, Jonathan Mok" catastrophe in my worst James Bond impersonation.
So there's the answer, right? In mega-decibel arenas, I refrain from using my first name, and it has worked. I have completely avoided being called "John"! Instead, this exchange occurs:
Stranger: HEY I'M ___, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Me: I'M MOK.
Stranger: WHAT WAS THAT?
Me: MOK.
Stranger: MARK?
Me: MOK.
Stranger: MARK?
Me: OKAY.
Problem solved.
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