Three Things I've Learned in my Three Weeks as a Dad

It's been a crazy three weeks in the Mok household.  One night my wife and I were cooking a simple dinner together, and the next we were going to pick up our son Levi from the adoption agency.  This happened two days before our 5-year wedding anniversary, so there have just been a lot of feelings floating around.  In the midst of this wonderfully surreal chaos, between the midnight feedings and the diaper changes, there's been a delicate balance of the incredulity at how life has suddenly changed and the realization that God always knows what He's doing.

I've learned that God's plan is far better than my own.  And in the season of glorious uncertainty known as adoption, this mantra provided us with an indescribable sense of peace.  The process became not a question of "when" we would become parents, but "who" the child was that God already had in mind for us, long before the thought of adoption ever crossed our minds.

I've learned how crucial it is to know my compass.  When you become a parent, you get bombarded with a ton of reminders, tips, strategies, worries, concerns... the list goes on and on.  Though this input from friends and family always comes with good intentions, it's easy to get swept away with a certain idea until you go down an endless Google rabbit hole and you're tallying pros and cons off of random strangers on the internet.  At the end of the day, the inane details don't really matter, and what's left to figure out in raising your child comes down to prayer.  I've prayed a lot.  Constantly, it seems.  It definitely helps knowing that Ophelia and I aren't in this whole parenting thing by ourselves.

I've learned that there is nothing that I wouldn't give for my son, but my son will never be my everything.  One thing I supremely appreciate about my marriage is that we both understand that our identities are not entirely tied up with each other.  So it doesn't matter if it's my wife, my kid, my career, my ministry, my family, my friends, my hobbies -- I have to make a conscious effort to not worship any of these different aspects of my life.

So everything has changed, yet nothing has changed.  Praising God from whom all blessings flow.

Trusting In God's Plan

Few things make me cringe more than a bad Christian cliche.

I've been going to church since birth, so trust me when I say that I've heard nearly all of them.  "Wait on God's timing!" "He won't give you more than you can handle!" "Ask and you shall receive!"  The list goes on.

While I hardly ever question the intent behind the hackneyed message, I'm usually just not sure what purpose it really serves.  More than anything, I worry that it's just filler material to fill an otherwise potentially awkward silence.  But most of the time, I think what a person really yearns for is compassion.

Of course, I'm as guilty of this as anyone.  As a guy, when I'm presented with a problem, I assume people are asking me for help to find the solution.  But sometimes, we're left helpless, with seemingly nothing we can physically do to alleviate the situation.

That's when we Christians like to throw out encouraging Bible verses rapid fire, thinking that if just one dart hits the target, we've done our job.

Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind.  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Ah, yes.  The almighty Plan.  For many of us, this verse is easy to recite.  We come from healthy homes with smiling parents, and we've jumped from one stepping stone to another in our walk of life.

Trusting in God's plan is ridiculously easy... until it no longer matches with our own plan.

I've always been a big proponent of wrestling with your faith.  You aren't going to grow spiritually until you first break down what you actually believe in.  So it's okay to ask questions.  It's okay to wonder why things happen the way they do.  It's okay to not have anything helpful to say because no matter how much we want to believe otherwise, we don't have all the answers.