Hibernating Patriotism

I remember counting total gold, silver, and bronze medals with my friend Albert back in 2012.  There I was at work, with one monitor focused on a gas severance tax spreadsheet and another monitor streaming the Summer Olympics.  There was some light trash talk among friends residing in China and some discussion with my parents regarding which country they were rooting for in various events.

That's probably an oversimplified way of claiming my allegiance to the USA, but I specifically remember being so proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free... only to have everything flipped turned upside down in 2016.

I think the overarching feeling to my usual patriotism the past four years has been one of embarrassment.  Because deep down, no matter how much we claim "not my president," Donald represents this country, and he represents us.

Do you recall the first Republican debate that included Donald?  It was hilarious because we thought he was the punchline.  Now, a presidential term later, we realize that the joke was on us.

I'm still shocked at how much people hated Hillary, but the current two-party system is a mess.  More often than not, voters are left to seemingly choose which candidate they'd rather lose, which is a bizarre method of voting.  Of course, who's to say what's the correct way to cast a ballot?  Some hone in on character, others policies.  Many are single-issue voters who just punch red or blue down the ticket, no matter what.  It's a flawed process because we are voting for flawed people.

There is no such thing as a perfect candidate because there is no such thing as a perfect person.  But with every part of my being -- as a Christian, as a father, as a husband, as an Asian-American, everything -- I'm tired of feeling embarrassed because of Donald.  The word "evangelical" is thrown around a lot around election time, but I'm tired of worrying about whether Donald is somehow speaking on my behalf in the eyes of nonbelievers.  I'm tired of anti-racism somehow being categorized as a political stance.  I'm tired of seeing AA friends worry about our safety with each time Donald trashes the "Chinese Virus" that his administration has completely failed in handling and resorted to ignoring.

As my brother-in-law Josh said so eloquently, my faith informs my values, and my values inform my politics.  And so, today, I continue to pray for my country, and I celebrate the hope of new beginnings.  Hello,  President-elect Biden.  Let's get to work.

A Racist Moment

I live in Chicago at the moment and I just experienced the most racist moment of my life. I grew up in the Houston area, which is a pretty diverse and integrated city. Chicago, although diverse, isn't as integrated. Maybe this fact contributed to this anecdote, or maybe I just happened to choose the wrong bus to hop on to today.

I'm writing this not to incite anything, or to have a debate about the current state of racism in our country, etc. -- I just want to share it because it was pretty appalling to witness: I get onto Bus 36 heading North. It's Memorial Day, so there's more people on the bus than usual at 3 p.m. on a Monday. The bus is about 80% full and 2 seats open up to my right just as I board. A middle-aged couple is sitting in front of me. One of the woman's leg is propped up onto the chair seat in front of her. The man has his arm around her. They're dressed like tourists, but they seem like they're from the area. I don't smell booze on either of them, but I really hope alcohol is involved.

"I really don't like the warmth," the man says. "I like feeling frostbite on my toes. My fingers. I don't mind the winter at all. I have had frostbite on my toes. My fingers. I'm okay without the warmth. Did you know? Frostbite on my toes and fingers." This statement isn't too random for a Chicago bus ride. I don't make much of it. Maybe he's a bit crazy? He's directing all these comments at his wife.

She begins murmuring something, and then I hear it -- "...THESE NIGGERS." Some curse words follow. The man tries to hush her. He tries talking about something else. Ah, now I know why he was talking about frostbite. He glances back at me just enough to gauge whether I'm black or not. I look around and most everyone is looking down at their phones or out the window. I realize that this woman has been causing a scene even before I got on the bus. The woman sounds drunk. She sits up a bit in her chair and tries to look behind her towards the back of the bus. She's searching for someone it seems. The man turns her back around and hugs her to contain her.

"Those fuckers. Shit. NIGGERS." An elderly woman next to me says in response, just loud enough, "There are children on this bus." The woman in front of me turns around to glare at the comment. The bus comes to stop and the doors open. A woman outside the bus pleads with the driver, "Sir -- I just need a ride. I've been trying to get change but I can't get any." The driver responds, "No sorry I can't do that." The woman in front of me exclaims "SHE'S A WHITE WOMAN. JUST LET HER ON. SHE'S WHITE." Everyone is shaking their heads now. Two stops later a black man gets onto the bus. Uh-oh. The man immediately holds his wife tight and begins to kiss her on the cheek to divert her attention. It doesn't work. "Where do they all come from? They're everywhere. They belong in South Chicago with the scum." The black man just walks past her.

The husband then says, "I live on the streets. I don't mind it. I live in the alleyways. Like a superhero. I'm like a superhero." Maybe this is his attempt to appease the situation. I don't think anyone knows what his comments mean. An elderly man with a cane gets onto the bus and sits in front of the couple. "Let me shake your hand grandpa" the woman says. The husband and his wife both reach out to shake his hand. They both fumble around like they're drunk. "You shake hands like this --" the husband says as he grabs the old man's wrist instead of his palm. This is all really weird. He then says, "You shake hands like a Jewish man. You know? Like a Jewish man." The old man just nods and minds his own business.

Then the woman in front raises her hands. She's flicking off people in the back of the bus. I don't turn around to see who's sitting back there. The man pushes her hand down. She raises her middle finger again and again. There's some cursing coming from her. We come to a stop and a black woman and her 3 kids walk to the front of the bus, ready to get off. So that's who all this hatred has been geared towards. "THERE'S RETRIBUTION FOR EVERYONE WHO ELECTED BARACK OBAMA" she yells at the family. The husband tags on, "All I know is that none of them are mine. That's all I can say. They're not mine." He means the kids. One of the daughters turns around slightly to take a look at the couple. She seems a bit confused. I think she knows the comments are directed at her family. The mom looks straight ahead, waiting for the bus doors to open.