The Real Story of Jonah

For those of us who grew up in the church, the story of Jonah is typically reserved for the children.  God told Jonah to go to Nineveh to preach.  Jonah was bad and said no and got on a boat instead.  God caused a big storm.  The other people on the boat were scared and threw Jonah into the water.  The storm stopped.  A great fish swallowed Jonah.  Jonah was in the belly of the fish for three days.  Jonah prayed.  The fish vomited Jonah onto dry land.  Jonah went to Nineveh.  Nineveh listened and repented.  God forgave the city.

One of my new year's resolutions is to finally complete my new year's resolutions from years past of reading through the Bible.  It has been decided -- 2017 is going to be the year.  I mean, I have a daily set time and everything this go-around.  Doing this thing for real.

So I'm chugging along in my handy chronological reading plan on the Youversion Bible app, and I come across the book of Jonah.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy reading, I think to myself.  (Well, other than the terrifying ocean parts with the giant creature and all.)

The tale culminates in chapter 3, where Jonah learns his lesson and makes the trek over to Nineveh, where he does his rendition of The Ring's "SEVEN DAYS" phone call.  

"Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!"

I've seen people make claims like this all the time, most notably yelling on the drag or on dirty 6th during my time in Austin, but this time was different.  "And the people of Nineveh believed God.  They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them."

Eventually even the king heard about this warning from Jonah, and he decided to follow the sackcloth fashion trend and issued a decree that the nobody in the entire city was allowed to eat or drink.  Instead, everyone was to "call out mightily to God" and "turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands."

Why?  "Who knows?  God may turn and relent and turn from his fierce anger, so that we may not perish."

And spoiler alert, it worked!  God saw what they did and relented of the impending disaster.

Cue the applause.  What a fun, gift-wrapped story.  Its TV show equivalent would probably be Full House, and this is where Danny Tanner would explain the moral lesson of the episode to an innocent Michelle, Stephanie, and DJ with thoughtful music playing in the background.

But then I reach chapter 4, which isn't really covered in the kid's version of the story I was accustomed to.  At a time when everything should've been splendid, you know, with the city of Nineveh being saved and all, Jonah throws a fit.  He is PISSED.  He didn't care about the city's change of heart.  He didn't care about the sackcloth.  He didn't care about the fast.  He didn't care about the people.  The city should burn anyway!  He was angry at God's compassion.

I would be more disappointed with Jonah if this story wasn't such a compelling display of the human condition.  You can blame it on social media or the millenials or whatever you want, but it's becoming abundantly clear that this world has a selfishness problem.

I think this issue rears its ugly head in many different forms.  I just can't figure out if it's human nature or if it's something we've taught ourselves.

Sometimes it comes across as jealousy.  Why is it that when someone is doing something awesome, one of the first responses people have is "jealous"?  Are we prewired to not be able to just be happy for good things happening to other people without inserting ourselves into the situation?

Other times it comes across as a perverse sense of justice.  Just like Jonah, we tend to think that we are better people than the rest of the messed-up people around us.  As if it made sense for God to show mercy to Jonah, but the 120,000 people in Nineveh were beyond saving.

So what's the solution?  Can we mandate selflessness?  Can we force sympathy?  Maybe the world just needs a giant dose of self-awareness, until finally, someday, we realize that we are all Nineveh.