Why I Didn't March.

I write this out of guilt, self-preservation, frustration, and mostly insecurity. Cool, glad that's out there.

Yesterday, as most of my peers were standing for something under the sun, holding peaceful and beautiful protests in various cities, I was having a casual Saturday enjoying the 50+ degree weather in Chicago. I went to a park with a few friends for the simple purpose of being outside. Just a couple miles South of me, more than 200,000 people gathered in downtown Chicago for the Women's March, taking a stand for various things a day after Trump's inauguration.

On Instagram and Snapchat, I followed posts and stories of close friends at rallies across the country -- friends in Houston, friends in Kansas City, sister in Denver, and neighbors in Chicago. A dear friend responded to a snap of mine asking, "Why aren't you at a rally?!"

Well shit -- why wasn't I at a rally? Didn't I care? Do I support Trump? Am I a bad person? Am I a rapist? Where was my decency? I'm an ass sometimes, but have I stooped that low?

The real answer why I wasn't at a rally: I just wasn't. Same reason why literally millions of others who are anti-Trump and care about women's rights, minorities, etc. weren't at a rally -- they just weren't. They had plans set beforehand. They didn't have plans, but ended up doing something else. They went for a run. They had errands to take care of. They were out of town. They were hungry. They were too far from a rally. It wasn't kid-friendly. They thought it was just for women. They slept in. They were lazy. They don't like crowds.

During the day I felt like I had missed a part of history. And I did. But I miss parts of history every day, some events which are easy for me to take part in. What affected me the most was not that I missed out, but that I felt guilty for having abandoned an apparent civic duty. Barring a valid excuse, like work or emergency, there was an expectation (perhaps self-conjured) that developed as the day went on, that someone of my demographic should be at a rally.

I understand that sentiment. It's like, how can you claim you're a Houston Rockets fan and you don't even watch Game 7 of a playoffs round, and instead you go play mini-golf? But it's not that simple. A single march, albeit an incredibly symbolic one, is not necessarily akin to a game 7. Whereas the success of a basketball team is adequately measured in wins and losses, and the avid support of a team requires at least some participation in critical games, the fight for rights isn't so basic. It's diminishing to think that participation alone at a single event serves as proxy for genuine support. Though yesterday was indeed a success in terms of sheer number, the absence of those who are like-minded and able to attend was not a failure. Progress is incremental, and this battle is multifaceted. There are countless fronts on which this struggle is fought, every day. Yesterday's rallies were not the beginning to something amazing, but instead a continuation of progress that momentarily manifested itself in a very visible, popular way.

It was a beautiful day, one that I chose to experience away from the main event, and one that I will remember for years. However, I will look back upon Trump's presidency and I will not see my absence yesterday as singular indication of my support or disdain. I know where I stand and how I fight -- I trust we all do, no matter how active we are in the spotlight moments.